Holy Crap

¡Fun with Spanish!

I saw a kid wearing a tee shirt today that said “playa.” The little dude was 3 or 4. I thought the kid had a lot of swag to call himself a playa already.

This is why you don’t ever let The Girl and The BFF bake a cake. They are incapable of waiting for the cake to cool before assembling. 

Anyway, I’m dedicating my piece to corvidae30 on the occasion of his birthday. 

Have a messy day!

This is why you don’t ever let The Girl and The BFF bake a cake. They are incapable of waiting for the cake to cool before assembling.

Anyway, I’m dedicating my piece to corvidae30 on the occasion of his birthday.

Have a messy day!

Weapons of Massive Public Grooming
She’s at it again. Or, I should state that she’s still publicly grooming for 40 minutes. Hair, then eyebrows, lips, concealer, nails. Over and over. 

Help!
Get me out of here. 

I’m going to need a Silkwood shower when I get to my office.
Weapons of Massive Public Grooming

She’s at it again. Or, I should state that she’s still publicly grooming for 40 minutes. Hair, then eyebrows, lips, concealer, nails. Over and over.

Help!
Get me out of here.

I’m going to need a Silkwood shower when I get to my office.

Fast five

• I have 5 hours of work today and then I’ll be gone until September 2nd

• We’re going to Philly for a couple of days next week. I’m in charge of the itinerary because Philly is my town. Four words: Pat’s King of Steaks

• Tomorrow is Dad’s birthday. He’s asked for a man purse. While I’m glad he’s using the walker, I don’t understand how it impedes the use of his pockets. Physics was never my best subject.

• I’ve made an executive decision to get me a big fat greasy burger for lunch. Details later.

• My train seat mate is involved in an intricate ballet of combing hair/applying make up/ generally fussing. I’m pressing myself to the far armrest for fear of lice. This may be hard, but I will attempt a stealth photo.

Way to butcher the language, headline writer.

Way to butcher the language, headline writer.

I am mired in minutiae

…like spelling the word “minutiae” correctly.

Throwback Thursday to when they were five.

FIVE YEARS OLD

le sigh

Serial Mom is up there in my pantheon of favorite movies. I assume they’re airing it as a preemptive suggestion to put your white shoes away after Labor Day.

Serial Mom is up there in my pantheon of favorite movies. I assume they’re airing it as a preemptive suggestion to put your white shoes away after Labor Day.

Two tutu leggings with matching arm garters. Is this a thing?

Please don’t let this be a thing. 

On a brighter note: my stealth photo game is really good.

Two tutu leggings with matching arm garters. Is this a thing?

Please don’t let this be a thing.

On a brighter note: my stealth photo game is really good.

The burrito-ness, it burns.

The burrito-ness, it burns.

Little help

Does anyone have recommendations for a medical alert system (aka: I’ve fallen and I can’t get up)? We’re considering it for my parents in Fla.

Send me an ask if you do.

KISSES!

And now, back to your regularly scheduled dog fart jokes.

Wherein I tell you about my incompetent HR department.

Friday (HR): You should speak to this staff person and ask why he hasn't applied for the supervisor position. It'll be great for you to promote from within.

Friday afternoon (me): I think you should consider applying for the position.

Monday morning (to my senior VP): I'm considering promoting X if he's interested.

SVP: That's great. Whatever you want to do, we trust your judgement. We believe in advancing our people as a company. It's a good message to send.

Monday morning (person): Please consider me for the position

Tuesday morning (HR): For reasons my boss won't disclose, we do not feel it's appropriate to promote this person.

Me: I need to speak with MY bosses to see if they can shed any light.

HR: No need to involve them at this point. Let's see what happens with my boss.

In conclusion: FUCK YOU, HR. Now you've created a mess, you clean it up.