January 2012
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Called it at 10:47 PM
Our friends went home with their kids.
It’s official. I’m an old fart. If you need me I’ll be playing Canasta with Abe Vigoda in the solarium. You can’t miss me, I’ll be the one in the flannel pajamas and sweat socks.
Happy New Year.
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December 2011
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People Speaking in Comic Sans
When people say certain things I imagine that the words are issuing forth from their mouths in comic sans. As a rule I usually try to speak in Helvetica or at least Futura.
People who wish me a “happy New Year’s”. New Year’s what? New Year’s Eve? Well, then thank you. And Happy Wednesday afternoon to you too.
Or are you wishing me “happy New Years”?...
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On Housekeeping
Me: I just vacuumed the rug. Please try to keep your toys in the basket.
Trixie: Mom (rolls eyes)...
Me: Really honey, it's a nice basket for all your toys
Trixie: Listen, Mom. I have but one job to do here. And that is to exhibit my neurotic tendencies by moving my toys from room to room and to the front yard and back.
Me: I've been wanting to speak with you regarding certain "outdoor" toys and "indoor" toys.
Trixie: After spending my entire life in shelters, I would think you'd cut me a little slack around here.
Me: Really? You're playing the shelter card?
Trixie: Why are you making me keep my toys in a basket? I'm a dog, for cryin' out loud.
Me: Because I just vacuumed. And besides, I found your dirty "outside" bone on Daddy's pillow.
Trixie: I put a lot of thought into that placement.
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Looking back
Jan: We celebrated the kids’ 10th birthday.
Feb: We went skiing and discovered that The Mister can not ski on his knee any more (see Dec),
Mar: Nope. Nothing significant.
Apr: We brought Trixie home from a shelter and into our lives.
May: Applied for a job that I was recruited for and didn’t get. This was to become a trend for the year with the same scene repeating two times....
“In my day we didn’t have gutter guards on the lanes and we bowled like...”
– My “get off my lawn” moment of the day.
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Five Things Friday
I was hanging out with a friend on Wednesday and we were talking about Due Date. It is one of those movies that can cause you to die from laughing. So, as a special Year End Edition (patent pending) edition of FTF I shall offer my list of All Time Funny-Until-I-Am-Crying-From-Laughing Movies.
1. The In-Laws (Original version)
2. Blazing Saddles
3. My Favorite Year
4. The Hudsucker Proxy
5....
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A tale of pants
Every time I download an episode of Emergency Pants I think of a day about 4 or 5 years ago. Let me share that day with you here
I was visiting my kids’ school to read to the class, or perhaps add my germs to the CDC ground zero of gingerbread construction. I signed in at the front desk as a visitor with Ms. Pterodactyl, who’s bifocals on a chain were perched midway down her beak....
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Happy 3 year Tumblr anniversary to me! →
My first post. Some things haven’t changed.
No, you're up because you have to log into work by...
I’m taking the kids to movies later today. Our choices: • We Bought A Zoo
• Tintin
• Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
We can’t decide which movie is the least likely to make me want to commit Hari Kari.
While I pretend to be interested in work tell me which movie to see.
This is the part where I place a question mark to enable answers. ?
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Giant Face Palm of the Morning
After 17,593 viewings of A Christmas Story I finally figured out how to pronounce Frageelay’s name.
It’s a Christmas miracle.
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Traditions?
As a card carrying member of the Hebrew tribe I’d like to share a few of our Christmas traditions with you:
• Wake up late and realize there’s no milk/coffee/waffles in the house
• Complain that the stores are closed and we can’t go out and buy milk/coffee/waffles
• Watch Christmas specials on TV while we are not enjoying our milk/coffee/waffles
• Complain that there is...
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The Girl and I slept together last night
My kids were never the type that slept in our bed. They came in to rumble around in the morning, but never slept with us in almost 11 years. The Mister crashed on the sofa as he has been doing since he came home. He ices his knee and falls asleep to the dulcet tones of ESPN.
We watched Love Actually and then a random Christmas movie with Whoopie Goldberg. She loved Love Actually and cried at...
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Call this number
719 266 2837
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Was it just me?
Or was last night really long?
Did you know that a dog barking at the window while standing over your head makes a very effective alarm clock?
Remind me again why I have to go to work?