March 2012
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You Guys. How is it that I'm only just learning... →
We’re in a fight.
Homework
Son (reading aloud from workbook): What happened after the skirmish between the Shoshone and Hidasa people?
Me: Bundt cake time?
Son: Sackajawea was kidnapped mom!
Me: Oh, then that calls for a nice Jello mold.
February 2012
Work Woes Wednesday
My boss wants us to have our department meeting on Friday while he’s on vacation. Not only that, he gave us issues to talk about.
For those playing along at home, let me remind you that our department consists of 4 people. One of whom wants absolutely nothing to do with the other three. She is disruptive and negative and a liability.
I would like to know exactly what kind of drugs he is...
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Reason #57 to love working/living in the city
I needed an extension cord for my headphones to my tower (6’ doesn’t cut it to get down under the desk). I walked out of my office and 15 minutes later was back at the desk rocking out to Girl Talk.
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Hi there!
Are you going to eat that?
I don't think you should eat that.
Don't you think I should eat that?
That looks good.
Can I have some?
I think I should eat that.
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So, fuck you and your sense of (false)...
I went to a charity lunch sponsored by the company where I work. I was invited to the lunch as a thank you for all the work I’ve done for the organization. The work I’ve done has directly impacted our company’s ability to raise money for the organization. I didn’t stay. Here’s why:
I was told to please be seated at table 40 when I checked in. At table 40 were some...
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I'm going to a charity luncheon today
Where’s my vodka stinger?
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Commuter
I never knew how much I missed my morning & evening train rides until I spent a week at home with my family. This past week I’ve felt as though I couldn’t hear my thoughts. I never quite relaxed. I was distracted and couldn’t just sit and do a project.
As soon as I sat down on the train I felt at ease. My commute offers me a solid hour of me time. I can write, lurk on ths...
Red Carpet Gold
Ryan Seacrest: What color is your dress?
Michele Williams: I don't know, coral maybe?
Ryan: Definitely some kind of fruit.
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I'm taking my MIL to the hairdresser this morning
Then we’ll swing by Harry Winston’s because, you know, OSCAR SUNDAY!
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Remind me to never listen to people talking about...
Ever again.
Because the bile spilling from some people’s mouths was embarrassing to listen to.
I can’t. I just can’t.
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I am going to my 7:45 root canal appointment
Snicker at your leisure
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Scene: my local mall
Me: What do you need at Michael's?
The Boy: Duct Tape, paint brushes, dee dee dum dum dum dee dee.
Me: ...
The Boy: Dee dum dum dum dee dee.
Me: ...
The Boy: Dum dum dum dee dee dum.
Me: What are you doing?
The Boy: Dum dum dum dee dee dum dum dum dee dee.
Me: [stepping off escalator] What's going on?
The Boy: I was providing escalator music.